Retrospective: 5.06 Chimera

What’s that saying about best intentions? Something something something and they’re worth two in the bush? Or they rush in where angels fear to tread, or they’re the lowest form of wit…I don’t know. But there’s some saying about best intentions and that they’re always useless because something always gets in the way.

The thing that got in my way after just one retrospective recap was my hard drive having a meltdown. And also a little bit* of laziness. But now I have a shiny new computer and a can do attitude** and I’m ready to recap another episode from the vault.

(*A lot of laziness.)

(**Never in my entire life have I ever had a can do attitude. Including now***.)

(***Especially now.)

I’ve decided to do season five’s Chimera because I loves me a bottle episode, and also because it contains a completely ridiculous argument about a freckle. So let’s go.

The episode opens as it intends to continue, with eeriness and fogginess and surrounded by water. A ship (I assume a US Navy-type ship, this being a show about the US Navy [occasionally]) makes its way through some serious fog as some ominous music plays, and if I were a sailor on that ship I reckon that music would give me a heads up that badness was afoot. AND IT IS (spoiler alert).

But not yet. Right now we’re concerned with the whereabouts of one Lieutenant Ferris (I might be hearing that wrong because sometimes you Americans don’t enunciate very well, but I like the idea of Ferris Bueller becoming a sailor, so Ferris it is). Some guy who looks official is looking for him in the mess hall (that’s probably the only correct ship-related term for anything I’m likely to use in this recap, FYI), and some other guy who isn’t in uniform but who I assume is a sailor says that Ferris is probably in the head (that’s a toilet, or a water closet if you’re European—you’re welcome) because he’s been there since breakfast. Ferris is going to end up with hemorrhoids if he keeps that up. But no! Ferris returns and informs official-looking dude that there are no new issues from Strike-Con. That’s probably going to be significant at some point. Make a note of that.

The exposition is interrupted for some good ol’ fashioned choking/poisoning/general malaise by one of the other sailors. Takada starts shaking and his nose starts bleeding, and when the cook (who, incidentally, seems to be universally hated by the entire crew) comes over to see what the what is, Takada sprays vomit all over him and then falls over and dies.

I felt like that last week after I had some bad chilli.

Credits! Do your little NCIS dance. I don’t know you, but you seem to me like a bit of a butt-shaker. That’s cool. Just go with the rhythm.

Hey, remember when Sean Murray looked like this?

Aw.

Bullpen. Tony’s blowing spitballs at Ziva. I swear to God, that man gets off on putting himself in danger.

Ziva does not reach down his throat and pull out his appendix as you would imagine, but rather points warningly at him. Yeah, well sometimes love (even love held for a frigging man-child—are you serious with the spitballs thing, DiNozzo?) makes you act unlike yourself.

Abby comes in and blah blahs about a Brain Matter concert that they all apparently agreed to go to with her that night. She’s excited (duh, it’s Abby, of course she’s excited), but no one else can remember agreeing to the date. Ziva immediately says that she doesn’t think she can make it because she has to…catch up on…paperwork.

Ziva lying face:

Tony jumps in and says he’s got a very important…thing. (All men think their things are important.) And that other thing. McGee starts to stutter a reason for why he can’t come, but Abby holds up a finger to silence him.

Sit! Stay! Not even puppy eyes will get him out of this. Abby threatens to stab him with her spiked wrist cuff thing, so McGee grudgingly takes a Brain Matter concert ticket…until Gibbs comes in to kick start the actual crime part of the episode. He throws McGee a bottle of motion sickness pills from his desk drawer because they’re heading out to sea. Hey, I wonder if they’re going out to that boat that we saw in the teaser? That’d be a nice coincidence, huh?

Gibbs says they’re going out to the USNS Chimera right this instant, and Abby starts to say that Brain Matter’s playing a late set so they might all make it back in time to see them. It’s not looking likely, though. Old Man Gibbs has to spoil her fun by suggesting that everyone brings a toothbrush with them. There are only three reasons for this I can see: 1) they’ll be out there a while, 2) he’s going to punish them for acts that he knows (through Gibbs Magic) they will commit in the future, and will make them scrub the bathroom with them, or 3) this is all an elaborate ruse to get the team into some sexytime situations, and he expects they’ll all be making out by the credits.

Apologies if I just made anyone throw up.

So blah blah blah they all apologize to a pouty Abby.

And then no doubt all breathe a sigh of relief in the elevator.

But back to the case. Apparently the Chimera isn’t listed as being part of the Navy fleet. Ooh, secret military ships in the night. That sounds exactly like the kind of thing I’d want no part of. Commander Exposition meets Team Gibbs at Anacostia where they’ll be getting on a helicopter that’ll take them out to the ship. He tells the team that the Chimera is a highly sophisticated, Top Secret research vessel. So Top Secret he’s mentioning it to them in an aircraft hanger with a bunch of random people just wandering around. When he’s asked what the ship is researching, he snots, “That’s need to know. And you don’t.”

Neither do I. I’ve already forgotten what we’re talking about, and I’m not inclined to go back for a refresher. We’re literally only 4 minutes and 25 seconds into this episode and I’m already 1,000 words into this recap. Let’s skip the blah-de-blah facts and whatever and get to the interesting bits.

Commander Exposition tells the team to go get the body and come straight back. Gibbs is like, “Yeah, um, we’re investigators. We investigate. Comprendé?” In response, Exposition is all, “Whatevs. Keep the questions within your pay scale. Which isn’t as high as mine. Because I’m awesome. L8er!” Man, Exposition is a tool. If his condescending tone wasn’t an indication of his tooliness, Gibbs’ patented “You’re a tool” face should tell you everything you need to know:

Namely: That guy’s a tool.

He talk talk talks some more about how the team doesn’t even really have clearance to get on the ship, and my God, I think this guy overestimates the brain power that’s about to step onto the ship. Okay, so Ducky’s there and he’ll probably understand things, and McGee’ll give it a red hot go. But in what universe would Tony be able to look at anything scientific, medical or technical and be able to work out that the Chimera is trying to find a way to implant frickin’ lasers in frickin’ sharks? (That’s just my guess. I might be wrong.) When has Gibbs ever shown any aptitude for understanding anything scientific that Abby ever tells him? And Ziva? My God, I love the woman, but she wouldn’t get a pass in a sixth grade science fair. What I’m saying is, Commander Exposition can probably chill out a little and give the snide tool face a rest.

Tool.

Stock footage and CGI of a helicopter flying out to a boat. We’ve arrived on the Chimera, but one of the helicopter’s crew members tells Gibbs that they haven’t been able to raise any of the Chimera’s crew on the radio.

Meanwhile, Ducky arrives like this:

I love you, David McCallum.

There’s some talk about all the deck lights being on but no one’s around to greet them. Ducky says it’s most unusual. Ziva thinks it’s creepy. Tony calls it a ghost ship. McGee doesn’t have a real good feeling about this. Gibbs tells the helicopter crew that they’re staying on board.

Gibbs is a fucking idiot sometimes.

So they all have a wander around to see what they can see. And what they see is not much. No one’s in the, um, cockpit? You know, the bit where the captain stands and is all, “Argh! Klingons on the starboard bow!” No one’s in their quarters, but they left some poker chips on a table for added intrigue. Someone’s iPod is still playing Wanna Use My Big Comb by Van DeLinda. Google tells me that’s a real song. It does not tell me whether it’s any good. Meanwhile, check out this iPod from four years ago:

Wow. It’s like when you go back and watch the first season of The X-Files (which you should do as soon as you finish reading this, because it’s awesome and still scary and Scully’s hair is HILARIOUS) and they’re carrying cell phones as big as their heads. Old Lady Jelena sez: What a time to be alive! You kids don’t know how good you have it these days. Also, take a coat when you go out tonight. The man on the wireless said it’d get chilly. No, not that kind of wireless. I mean…oh, forget it.

Gibbs and Ducky realize all the lifeboats are missing, and think that the ship was abandoned in a hurry. Such a hurry, in fact, that there was no time to send a mayday. Wow. I’d hate to be stuck on that ship now.

Meanwhile, McGee is throwing up and Tony’s showing his sympathy by demanding Ziva give him the ten bucks he bet her when he said McGee’d be puking within five minutes. When McGee composes himself, he leads the team to what he found before he started emptying his stomach.

It’s a lab! A lab with rat cages, but no rats. Ducky, being the only smartypants in the crew (I’m not counting McGee only because his strength is in computers and shit, not because I think he’s dumb. Calm down, McGee devotees), suggests that the Chimera’s being used to develop an airborne virus or something.

Gibbs’ poker face:

Before they can freak out too much about that, they all hear footsteps from above. McGee tries to say that the noise could just be the metal of the ship contracting in the cool of the evening (see? That’s smart. Smartypants McGee in the house!) but Gibbs gives him a “you fucking kidding me?” look, and McGee retracts his suggestion. Tony thinks it came from the cargo hold above them, so Gibbs sends him to check it out.

Classic horror movie stuff there. Send the pretty one to find out what’s going bump and he ends up getting slaughtered. Tony’s a movie buff though (you may not know that about him because he’s usually pretty quiet about it) so he takes Ziva and McGee with him. He tempts fate by singing “Baa baa black ship, have you any wool?” (yes, ‘ship’, because they’re on a black ship/secret ship, geddit?) and honestly, Ziva is still itching to maim him for shooting spitballs at her earlier so I don’t know why he wants to bait her more by singing at her.

He’s lucky, though, because Ziva’s preoccupied by the feeling that “someone or something is on this ship with us. I can feel it.”

See? That’s her troubled face. She’s totes feeling something in her waters, you guys.

But them guys aren’t paying much attention. McGee suggests she’s just sensing the giant rat that’s just wandering along behind Tony, minding it’s own business.

Tony freaks, and McGee and Ziva show him as much sympathy as he showed vomity McGee. Ziva questions him about his irrational fear of rats and Tony plays the pneumonic plague card. God, are you still going on about that? [eye roll] Tony says that he used to love rats before he got the plague. He was a regular Willard, he says. Ziva asks what that means so that I don’t have to. (Thanks, Ziva!) Oh, apparently it’s a reference to that movie Michael Jackson wrote the song Ben for. Cool.

Sidebar: I once walked in on my dad trying to coax a mouse out of the kitchen by crawling around on his hands and knees and singing Ben. The plan would have been brilliant in its simplicity if it weren’t completely and utterly insane. But points for effort, Dad.

Anyway. Ziva hears more noises in the ship, while Tony and McGee look on like they don’t quite believe her.

Tony baits her with, “What do your astute ninja Mossad senses tell you it is?” The camera focuses back on Ziva while she explains that in the Mossad they trained to be open to things they can’t see or even understand, and that’s great and all but the real fun of this shot is the very brief and silent ‘conversation’ Tony and McGee have behind her where Tony appears to be worried that he took his teasing of her too far, and McGee just nods in confirmation.

Ziva continues that not everything can be explained by the laws of the natural world, and Tony’s incredulous when he asks, “You believe in ghosts?” Ziva replies that she does not not believe in ghosts. Or demons or monsters. Then they note that they ship they’re on is called the Chimera, which McGee says means delusion or fantasy. But Ziva says that in Greek mythology (oh man, settle in, because things are about to get wicked strange) a chimera is a monster with a lion’s head, a goat’s body and a dragon’s tail.

Tony: “So, you think they named [the ship] the Chimera because there’s a monster on board?”

Ziva: “They did not name it the Puppy.”

HA!

They join Gibbs and Ducky in the mess hall where Ducky is investigating Takada’s vomit from the teaser. We get a nice tight shot of it with peas and carrots and bits of potato or something. And also blood. There’s blood in the vomit. I’m no doctor, but I am almost certain that blood in your vomit is something you want to see your healthcare professional about. And blood in your wee. And in your poop. And coming out of your ears or eyes. If you’ve got a nosebleed you’re probably okay, unless you’re a character on a TV show. Because we all know that as soon as a character on a TV show gets a spontaneous nosebleed, it pretty much means they have cancer.

Where were we? Right. Bloody vomit. Ducky says there are brown flecks in the blood that suggest that vomity dude was either an alcoholic or had severe gastro. Ziva finds bloody footprints and follows them to the mess hall freezer. They open the door and—surprise!—a frozen stiff Takada falls at their feet. Ducky suggests that frozen stiff Takada is the presence Ziva was feeling, but she insists there is something else—an alive something else—on board with them.

It’s time to talk to Abby. Actually, it’s Jenny who Gibbs is after (and how!) and she just so happens to wander into Abby’s lab when Gibbs is asking for her. He tells her the only person they’ve found on board is dead. And—

Okay, another sidebar. What the hell, Lauren Holly?

You know, I understand that Hollywood (by which I mean the town near Los Angeles. I’m not making a cute pun with your name) is, like, insane and that the pressure to look young and hot on even the most level-headed actors with the most sensible support systems around them must be unbearable. And you’re not the first to get surgery and you won’t be the last, and we’ve all certainly seen crazier lip injections than yours. But it’s still a shame that you felt you had to do that to yourself.

Moving on. Abby finds out that Takada was a marine biologist. Gibbs tells Jenny to tell Commander Exposition that there’s 20 men in lifeboats floating around somewhere. Jenny asks about Takada’s cause of death, and Ducky conveniently wanders in to say that he died of hemorrhagic fever. That doesn’t sound good. Ducky adds a fun fact: they’ve all been exposed to it.

I’m going to let McGee sum this one up:

Ruh-row!

And THEN, Ducky adds that they’ll all be dead by morning*. God, way to be a Debbie Downer.

(*No they won’t.)

MTAC. Jenny’s getting her Director on with Commander Exposition. She wants to know what research the Chimera’s involved in, and he just says “Deep sea marine life exploration. The rest is classified, yo.” Jenny’s like, “Um, I’m the Director of a federal agency. You can read me in on the Top Secret shit, you little bitch. My team’s on that boat and my M.E. suggested that I’m going to have to hire a bunch more people to replace them when they die in 12 hours. I HATE dealing with Human Resources, so tell me what’s going on before I come over there and cram your butt into your mouth.” Or words to that effect. Commander Exposition remains silent.

Chimera. Gibbs is playing with an electric saw while Ducky picks through Takada’s chest cavity. Tony’s supposedly helping out with a blood analysis, but he’s actually just breaking things in the lab. Because in this episode he’s Buffoon!Tony. Abby’s on the comm. link and she talks him through how to do it with lots of “Put the sample in the circular rack thing,” and “Push the square blue button. It’s blue and a square.” She says that you can tell a lot from the smell of someone’s blood (eww), and so Tony gives Takada’s a good long sniff just before she says that Takada might’ve died from a highly contagious virus so Tony shouldn’t inhale it.

Tony’s face:

Yeah. I expected nothing less from him, and yet I’m still disappointed.

Jenny, Gibbs, Ducky and Commander Exposition get together for a chinwag. Exposition says he’s flying a crew out to take control of the ship. Ducky says it’s too risky and no one else should be allowed on the ship. Exposition’s all “I can do what I want! YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER!” And Ducky’s all, “I’m quarantining this bitch.” Exposition: “But it’s MY SHIP!” Gibbs: “It’s mine now. Squatter’s rights. Also? Where’re the 20 men that went missing from this mother. You find ‘em yet?” Exposition: “No. But I totally care about that. Seriously.” Jenny: “They’ll need to be quarantined, obvs.” Exposition: “Uh, doy!” Ducky: “We’re all going to die.” Gibbs: [storms out.] Exposition: “I’m not telling you anything more about what’s really going on on that ship. I am a gigantic tool. So there.” Jenny: “Blah blah politics, don’t make me mad.” Exposition: “I can’t tell you anything over MTAC.” Jenny: “Then get your butt over here so we can talk in person. You’re a tool, but you have pretty eyes.” Exposition: “Stop flirting with me, Madame Director.” Jenny: “Hey, Gibbs is about to die and a woman’s got to have options. Bring whiskey. Preferably in a dirty Mason jar.”

Chimera. More noises. Time to check the ship again. Tony’s feeling itchy. He’s discovered a spot on his wrist and thinks it might be a bug bite. Ziva barely glances at it but says, “It’s a freckle.”

Tony: “I’ve never had a freckle there.”

Ziva: “You’ve always had that freckle!”

Tony: “Uh, how would you know whether I’ve had a freckle or didn’t have a freckle and by the way I HAVE NEVER HAD THAT FRECKLE!”

I’m not making any of that up. That happened. Word-for-word.

Gibbs gets Ducky on the radio to explain the symptoms of hemorrhagic fever, and then holds the radio up for Tony to hear. Paranoia, a sense of dread, the appearance of itchy spots, and then a fever.

Tony appears vindicated.

He says he didn’t picture his demise like this. He thought he’d go out in a fiery explosion or a hail of bullets.

Ziva:

[eye roll]

Gibbs says he’d hoped Tony would go silently.

The moment is interrupted when Ziva hears another noise and takes off running after it. When the others catch up she says she saw someone or something running. But they don’t find it. What they do find is a door locked by a keypad and with a big ‘biohazard’ sign on it. So…they leave McGee alone to work on cracking the code. Nice.

In another hallway Tony offers to check Ziva for spots. He’s sure she’s got lots of hotspots and warm spots. This inappropriate (and uncharacteristic, for this episode) moment is cut short by Gibbs when he finds a rat dripping blood from its tiny little rat mouth. He tells Tony to bag it and take it to Ducky. Tony starts to play the plague card again, but one steely look from Gibbs makes him change his tune. Gibbs and Ziva leave him alone…and then the power goes out.

Dun dun DUUNNN!

Gibbs and Ziva are navigating by torchlight and hear more footsteps. Ziva unholsters, but then Tony and his rat step into the light. But THEN there’s a big bang from further down the hall so they go to investigate…and it’s just McGee falling over. Lame.

They make it to the electrical room to turn the power back on, Ziva opens the door and…

Finally, something happens. A guy leaps out and attacks her, then makes a run for it. Ziva runs after him before the others react, then grabs him and holds her gun to his neck. It’s the cook that everyone hated in the teaser! And he appears to still be feeling the sting of social isolation.

Poor guy. Sometimes it’s tough to make friends on a ship full of paranoid, itchy and feverish people.

Meanwhile, thanks for jumping in to help, guys.

No, it’s cool. Ziva can handle this by herself. You’d just get in the way.

So they shackle the cook to some stairs and fire questions at him, and while he appears to be having a full on breakdown he manages to provide some very helpful information about what the Chimera’s been up to. He says they pulled something out of the water. He says the crew all abandoned ship because they all thought that whatever killed Takada was contagious. He says the captain forced him to stay behind because Takada sprayed blood and vomit all over him, so they assumed he was already infected. Wow. Dick move, captain. But understandable at the same time. Hmm. I’m not used to this show throwing up ethical dilemmas. Usually it’s all BAD PEOPLE ARE BAD! Except Gibbs, who is bad but ALWAYS GOOD.

The cook says that after everyone supposedly abandoned ship someone hit him over the back of the head. Ziva’s not so quick to buy what he’s selling there. See? She’s getting all angry and sweaty.

The cook insists he doesn’t have a clue what’s in the biohazard room. Except then he says that there’s a bug in there. He probably doesn’t mean a ladybeetle, huh?

Electrical room. Tony and McGee are poking around and trying to get the power on. Correction: McGee is trying to get the power on. Tony is just standing around all depressed because he’s got “the frickin’ fever”. McGee’s like, “The ventilation’s off, idiot. We’re all hot.” But Tony won’t hear it. “I’m dying, McGee,” he says seriously.

McGee’s face:

That’s an eye roll that says “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” What McGee’s mouth says is even better: “You know, the last time you were dying of a horrible disease, you were a little bit more stoic about the whole thing.”

Ladies and gentlemen, that is perhaps the best McGee line of the entire series.

Tony just starts going on about all the times he’s almost died and that he’s out of ‘almosts’. McGee very patiently humors him, but suggests that until he’s actually dead he could probably do some work and help try to get the power back on. Tony slinks off, but then finds some transponders for EBIRBs (distress beacons). Hmm, that’s significant. I’m sure of it.

Jenny’s office. Exposition is blahing about bio-warfare research, which Jenny says is illegal. I’ll gladly take her word for that. It sounds like something that should definitely be illegal. Exposition is all “Illegal shmegal. The Russians do it too. We’re just trying to get ahead of our enemies.” He assures Jenny that there’s a medical team on the way to look after Team Gibbs, but Jenny doesn’t trust him, even if he’s leaning over her desk all sexy-like*.

*Not sexy at all.

Ship. Gibbs shows the transponders to the cook and accuses him of sabotaging the lifeboats so that the crew wouldn’t be found. I think Gibbs is giving this guy way too much credit. So does the cook. But Tony says that because the cook was the saboteur in Hunt For Red October, it’s totally plausible that this cook could’ve sabotaged this crew. Tony…I swear to God, sometimes I just don’t even know what the fuck goes on in your head or how on earth you have managed not to die in some stupid way that would guarantee you a Darwin Award. And Gibbs agrees with me.

Idiot.

Ducky comes in to say that Takada definitely died of hemorrhagic fever, but the virus was injected into him. It wasn't airborne. Which means that they’re not going to die after all. (I totally called that.) But Takada was murdered, and Gibbs posits that it was done this way to scare everyone off the ship. But WHY?

No time for answers now. The lights have come back on. But it wasn’t McGee who did it! And on top of that, Ziva is now calling out for them from above. They leg it up to the deck but by the time they get there Ziva has lost sight of the person she was running after. Tony thinks she’s crazy, but Gibbs believes her. Even more so when he sees that someone’s set up a light, um, thing on the side of the boat that’s flashing out a signal to someone. And then Tony almost gets flattened by a big pile of cargo being dropped over his head.

Action!DiNozzo!

No one seems particularly concerned, but Ziva at least is distracted by a sailor running along the deck. She takes off after him and they FINALLY catch him, and hey! It’s Ferris! The guy who spent all day in the head from the teaser. OR DID HE? His upset bowels were just a ruse! Ferris, you magnificent bastard.

Ferris seems unconcerned about being sent to prison. He tells the team they’re all going to die, but not from the virus. And presumably whoever he’s sending the signal to with the flashy light thing was going to come and save him from whatever’s going to kill Team Gibbs. I guess.

MTAC. Jenny’s got eyes on the Chimera from a satellite. She can also see another boat speeding towards the ship which is supposedly the medical transport, but it’s going so fast that Jenny is suspicious. Exposition confirms that it’s not their support vessel, and he seems almost genuine in his surprise. Oh man, it’s pirates, isn’t it? They’re almost never the fun Johnny Depp-type pirates. This isn’t going to end with a barrel of rum and a sing-a-long. I’m guessing.

McGee’s got the biohazard door open (remember that?). He warns Gibbs about the risk of exposure if he goes in, but Gibbs is Gibbs so he just wanders in and takes a look around. He finds something in a container thing that could be what the pirates are after. Then Ziva shows up to say that the pirates are about five minutes away.

Scary pirate guy:

Eh, he’s not so scary. Unless he has an accent. Then I have no choice but to assume that he’s evil, because that’s what TV has raised me to believe.

Team Gibbs gets in position. Pirates rappel onto the ship. They have big-ass guns now, so they look scarier. But still only TV scary. Until lead pirate guy opens his mouth and OH MY GOD! He’s speaking Russian! EVIL!!!!!!!!!

They look for Ferris while Ziva spies on them and the others creep up to the deck. Then Ziva encounters one of the pirates and TAKES HIM DOWN:

Ninja kick! (Or “Cote used to be a dancer” kick. Whatever.)

In the mess hall, lead pirate guy and two henchmen pirates find Ferris on the floor next to Takada’s old vomit and with some blood on his face. They assume he’s dead and pull a note from his hand that says “Virus airborne. Get off the ship.” The henchmen pirates freak, but lead pirate says they’ve got to finish their mission. The henchmen are like “Nuts to that” and they make a run for it. Lead pirate guy chases them up to the deck where they find the other henchman pirate who Ziva dropped on his ass. Then he looks overboard and—suck it, pirate guy—the boat is gone.

Cut to the boat, which is full of NCIS agents and the cook.

Ducky exposits that he drugged Ferris and put fake blood on him to trick the pirates. Oh, that Ducky. Always with his practical jokes. McGee says he disabled the ship somehow (he kind of explains it but I really don’t care and NEITHER DO YOU). Tony finds orders on the boat from the Russian Navy (so they weren’t pirates). Turns out that the thing Gibbs found in the biohazard room was actually a few Russian nuclear warheads (of course!) and that’s what the Chimera pulled from the bottom of the ocean. Not some biological weapon. The Russians were trying to recover they nukes.

Those Russians! They’re always up to something, huh?

Just as Ducky suggests that they call the Navy to tell them they’re on the Russian ship and the Russians are on theirs, a rocket comes out of nowhere and nukes the Chimera.

But? But? But HOW did ‘they’ know that Team Gibbs was off the Chimera and safe before ‘they’ blew it to hell?

Answer: ‘They’ totes didn’t, you guys. Team Gibbs woulda been toast if they’d stayed for five more minutes. Oh, the humanity!

And that’s it. Team Gibbs sails off into the sunset, the evil Russians are dead and no one else will ever know anything about the USNS Chimera. Except us. Because they just televised the whole thing.

Idiots.